Co-sharing a home

Two women, probably in their 70’s, have shared a house for a number of years. They related that they started off as next door neighbours, owning their own properties and the sharing happened partly due to circumstances and over some time – probably at least a  year or two - before they actively pursued the possibility of sharing more permanently. Now they have built a house together - about 12 years ago.

They made some interesting comments and observations on co-housing. For them, their shared Christian faith was important. They thought that each case of co-housing is unique and no set of criteria would likely satisfy any particular case. They are aware that in some respects they are like "chalk and cheese" and in other respects they match well, which has meant having respect for the other’s viewpoint and behaviour. They did get a contract drawn up and a lawyer was involved. They also recognised that their sharing could come to an end because circumstances changed for one or both of them. They said that sorting out duplicated property (e.g. household appliances) was quite an issue to work through. A big plus for them both has been that they have been there for each other when each of them struck health problems. They felt that there could be a lot of fish-hooks in any attempt to set up a co-housing situation.

A homeowner living in a large house separated her downstairs from her upstairs with a lockable door. She has a couple living downstairs that have all their own amenities. She says this arrangement gives her privacy, helps with her bills and also security knowing there is someone else in the house.  She has a good relationship with them and feels if she was ill or needed something she knows she could call upon them to help her out, but would only do this if there was no one else available (they are renters with no other strings attached).

A view on multi-generational living, from a lady in her mid-70s.

I have lived with my daughter and her husband, together with my grandson, for 5 years. We had shared accommodation and holidayed overseas together before that. 

Having made the conscious decision to live in the one house, it took 15 months to find a suitable space. The journeys up and down the coast meant lots of conversations about each property and what we thought essential. This took a lot longer than expected, but those weekend trips meant we had a good understanding of each other, of our wants and needs, and where we would be willing to compromise. 

Our individual expectations were verbalised, which was so valuable. Sometimes we drove in silence, maybe wondering if we were doing the right thing. Please do not listen to anyone’s opinions of the pitfalls, there are also great benefits to be considered. It is surprising what you learn about yourself and others. In my mid-70s I have already lived in flats, bedsits, been tenants-in-common and experienced co-ownership. For me, this living arrangement has so many advantages over them all.  

The practicality is that my financial equity meant a much lower mortgage for the family. I chose to have less than a 50% equity, keeping funds to allow for renovations. My equity contribution has enabled my family’s road to homeownership to be a little easier. Isn’t it better to share it now, rather than when I am dead? I don’t want to live alone in a house where I am financially, solely responsible for maintenance, rates and insurance, or in an apartment with no garden.

An important part of this decision was to find the ‘right’ space. I felt the layout would make co-living less problematic. We needed to have separate living spaces, separate kitchens, though mine is very simple – the days of dinner parties are behind me, and separate bathrooms. This self-contained, separate space means we can still live independently, and we do not need to cross paths constantly. 

My grandson has been born into very different times, much of which I don’t understand but then, I believe, elders have expressed that feeling for generations. It is not a time to hold on to one’s fixed patterns and beliefs. Communication is the key – to communicate, express our doubts, and remember that we have lived in the best of times. This is the time to move ahead and carry those experiences forward with us.

This road may not be suitable for all but, with limited capital, it has been the best decision for us as a family. This shared family living has many satisfying advantages although, again, I would stress the need for open and confident communication, where each can express themselves with real honesty. Sometimes this is not easy but to move forward one does need to be open and vulnerable.

The greatest joy for me is living near my grandson and for him to live near his grandmother, as I did. My grandmother lived with my aunt, my great-grandmother lived with my grandmother. These are cherished memories which can be built on now that we live in such close proximity to each other.   

Note: Homes for Good recommends that if you are examining co-sharing like the person in this story, that you get your own independent legal advice.